Wednesday, November 6, 2013

So much for trying

Preschool Day 1:
Never happened.

The bins of activities are still ready to go. I emailed The Mr more worksheets to print off but we took a little detour and decided to potty train. He was doing so well! He made it through nap time, He made it through having friends over without an accident. Then it all went down hill and now I am regretting even starting. And don't be fooled, D said he wanted to because his friend is potty trained so we started.  I know it will get better but it would have been nice to have been prepared for this joyous parenting moment. Rather than you know, already being 3 loads behind on laundry and having to change all of the fun plans I legitimately made on Sunday when I "planned out the week."

Oh well.

This morning I was mad, I was bitter at what I was dealing with, I was frustrated at the wet spot on the couch and the floor and the bed. But, I am done being mad. I can't afford it (I wont see The Mr till 9:30 tonight) I need patience. I need an honest heart that sees my children as the pure vessels of love and kindness on loan to me from perfect Heavenly Parents who love them perfectly.

Some day I hope to love perfectly. Some day I hope to overcome my temper. Some day I hope not to get so caught up on the little things but, until that happens I will wait and try my best.

I just had a Jehovah's witness knock on our day. Her and her friend said they were working on a campaign and wanted to give us a handout as part of their efforts. I thought it a little odd that she used the word campaign because they are pretty strict about not allowing political people to solicit here but when I shut the door and looked at the handout it was all about the Resurrection and just asked a few questions about life after death and it quoted a few scriptures.

I don't agree with their beliefs but, I do believe in God and Jesus Christ and I was grateful to be reminded of my own beliefs about these questions we all have about life.

I then heard them knock on our neighbor Byron's door. Byron is in 40's and is a visiting faculty member from China. He has come to church with us several times and has become a good friend. As he tried to ask them about why they were there and what they were doing they might of said they were from a church, trying to fulfill a purpose, educating the world, spreading the word. While none of those things are bad I thought of our Mormon missionaries whom Byron has come to love so much. He has been feeding them once a week, we here laughter when they are over. They have helped him edit a paper now getting published at an upcoming conference in South Africa. They talk with his son Jack for 10 minutes every time so he can practice his English, they teach Jack at an ESL class taught bi-weekly at the church for anybody in the community, and lastly they take time to teach him the gospel. They have talked a lot about families and our purpose here. The Elders have tried to understand Chinese culture a little better so they can know how to teach and connect his beliefs with ours but setting that all aside Byron is fascinated.
He is fascinated by the Mr and his devotion to our family. He is fascinated that so much of our day revolves around teaching our boys, that I have given up a career to take care of them. He still can't quite grasp that the Mr's career ambitions are to provide for our family, not to gain a specific title or a salary. He is impressed we value marriage and that we are not counting the days till we die but looking forward to eternity together.

D's favorite song right now is "I belong to the church of Jesus Christ of latter-day Saints"
The words are as followed:

I belong to the church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints,
I know who I am, I know God's plan,
I'll follow him in faith. 
I believe in the Savior Jesus Christ, I'll honor his ways.
 I'll do what is right! I'll follow his light, his truth I will proclaim. 

I am grateful for my faith. I am grateful that we boldly declare to people that we want to teach them about Jesus Christ because we ourselves have been changed by coming to know him a little better. I have been literally saved by Jesus Christ. I know it is only through Him that I can return to my loving Heavenly Father, a perfect God who I have come to know as surely as I know my earthly father all through the glorious gift of prayer. Prayer is my lifeline- I don't pray to other angels, spirits, ancestors, saints, I pray to God, my Heavenly Father who is first and foremost the best dad we all have been given.

If you have some time listen or read this talk given by Thomas S Monson a couple weeks ago as he spoke to the women of the world. It is entitled "We Never Walk Alone." This was his first address at our churches semi-annual conference since he has lost his sweet wife. It is tender, is uplifting, it inspires me to be a little better but most importantly it reminds me I am loved. My favorite quote from the talk. 

"My dear sisters, your Heavenly Father loves you—each of you. That love never changes. It is not influenced by your appearance, by your possessions, or by the amount of money you have in your bank account. It is not changed by your talents and abilities. It is simply there. It is there for you when you are sad or happy, discouraged or hopeful. God’s love is there for you whether or not you feel you deserve love. It is simply always there."  

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